Dieudo : Page créée avec « 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,600 Avant-Cercle du facilitateur avec Duke Pratique des Cercles Restauratifs avec Dominic Barter 2 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:09,440 At some point... »

2020-01-28T18:21:43Z

Page créée avec « 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,600 Avant-Cercle du facilitateur avec Duke Pratique des Cercles Restauratifs avec Dominic Barter 2 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:09,440 At some point... »

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Avant-Cercle du facilitateur avec Duke
Pratique des Cercles Restauratifs avec Dominic Barter

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At some point in the pre circle I just
check in with Duke: "How's it going ?"

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Duke says "it's fine" and I say:
- "Would you like some support?" - "No I'm good"

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And I don't believe him.

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- Smart.
- Yeah.

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So I just keep on hassling him a little bit

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and I find ways to invite him to sit down with me
and I might do facilitator pre circle

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standing up at the water cooler.
I might do it in the corridor.

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I don't necessarily need the same kind of formality
that I might prefer

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if I was receiving people who'd initiated
a restorative process because they have a conflict

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that they want to see happen in
in a restorative circle.

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This might be something that we might do in the car
driving home or like I said on the phone.

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What's important for me is I want
to remember that the facilitator

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is fundamentally a member of the community.
There are not four specific roles in the circle.

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There are three: author or authors,
receiver or receivers, and the conflict community.

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And Duke is part of the
conflict community.

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And it's in that capacity that we're meeting.

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- So how's it going to you?
- Fine.

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I'm wondering what's coming up for you
around the circle, the restorative process

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that you're working with at the moment?

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I'm noticing I have a hell of lot of stories
and hopelessness

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around the author being willing to participate.

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Because in in this situation
as in all conflicts

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but it's very clear that the person who initiated
also was the author

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although the way the event was described
that person is a receiver.

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So when you look at the act
you're looking at them as a receiver

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but when you look inside,
you're moved,

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stimulated by the things that they did.
Is that right?

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Yeah. That it has… I lack of a better term…
equal weight

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to whatever they're saying
this other person did.

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And so when the act is framed in that way
I'm telling myself that the other person

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is never gonna want to participate
given the act framed in this way.

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- Yeah.

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And what is that idea
that you have about that act ?

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And what is the image that you form about the person
or about the act itself when you look at it?

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Is there a way to pinpoint something that kind of
that serves as a gateway for emotionally

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what's moving you in relation to this?

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I'm not sure what you mean?

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I'm wondering if, when you look at the act,
if you see it in a certain way

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or when you look at that person
you see them in a certain way

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and there's a way to sum that up.

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Closed.

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- That's how I see that person.
- Right.

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So in pre circle land, that's the act.
It's Duke's act it's the way he's seeing things

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it's that singular doorway through which
we're gonna, I'm gonna focus.

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Because he said there are lots of things happening
but then there's that word "closed".

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And for now that's enough specificity
I don't need anything more

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I just wanted that as an anchor
I'll probably just spend the rest of the time

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hanging out with him.

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And is that scary to look at that person
and see them in that way?

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Well there's a hopelessness in it, you know

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because I have all dreams and visions
of how this process could help
and support them connect differently

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and see each other differently
and then I'm telling myself

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it's never gonna get off the ground
because they're gonna say:

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"Forget it. I'm not interested."

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Yeah.

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And there's sadness at me because
I'm wanting to trust

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the process and presence

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and also to be open to the fact that
maybe in this situation the circle isn't

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the method or whatever
the way that we're going to move forward

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so that does start to create
some more openness in me

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so it's that I'm seeing because
I've experienced and seen potential

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and have dreams of even greater potential
of this process that

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I'm wanting it to work for everybody

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and so I'm seeing how I've closed down
on the possibility that

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in this particular case it's okay
whether they say yes or no.

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So "closed" was a good word
Since I was the one who's closed.

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that definitely gives me
way more spaciousness

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in going into meeting
with that person

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and more aliveness or excitement
about the possibility

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Because now whatever happen is okay.
It's just what it is.

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Yeah.

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And as you look at the next steps that
you're going to take is there anything

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that comes up around there
that you can imagine receiving support for?

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Well one thing is coming to mind
is just sharing this with my co-facilitator

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this experience even just now oh yeah
I'm talking to this checking in with her about it

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and stuff and seeing where
she's at about this

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both sharing my experience but then also
seeing where she's at doing the same

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that you're doing for me with her
I would do for her

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- exchanging it yeah for the both of you
- yeah yeah

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Is there a kind of obvious moment
when you might do that?

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Yeah we're meeting next week:

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we had talked about meeting a little
earlier ahead of the next pre circle

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I want to reinforce that and make sure
that that does happen

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yeah

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- That's all that's coming to mind
- Cool

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- Thanks
- All right thank you.

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Wow that was hard work!
[Laughs]

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I'm joking about
how little is necessary to be able

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to support someone in terms of,
you know, words or thinking.

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…

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So you knew it wouldn't work here
because everyone knows

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If you break it down, it does look,
I wonder if you were able to track it,

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it does look pretty much like a pre circle

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there's a particular point of entry
there's the listening as you look forward

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to the processes or any other things
that you think might come up for you

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is going over the process
like we do with the participants

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I didn't need to ask who might be able
to support you with that piece

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that might come up in the future
because he already answered that question

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but if he hadn't, if he'd said: "yeah, it's not
such a big deal but I'm kind of nervous

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about what's going to happen with the
other pre circle after I'm with the author"

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Then I would have said:
"So is there anyone around who might be able

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to support you with that?"
Which is the equivalent of: "who else needs to be there?"

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I'm checking in with the folks
and then, you know, "are we done?"

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"Is that okay?" as a way of saying:
"are we ready to move on?"

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So that is still my guide
but I'm not particularly worried about the questions

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as specific ways to manifest it
I just have that as a guide in my head.

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those are the pieces that I more or less
want to make sure that we cover.

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In a situation in which someone is giving me
a far more verbally explicit description

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of what the other person has done wrong
or what they themselves are lacking

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in order to be able to facilitate
or what a terrible situation, one unresolvable dilemma,

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there being presented within the circle,
then one of the things that I'll do,

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is I'll more specifically verbalize to them
the way in which I'm hearing them speak

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because I want to check with them

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if I'm really hearing them accurately
because the distance between

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the words they're using
and the dictionary meaning of those words

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and the meaning that I'm receiving is greater
than it was just now.

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Duke's way of expressing himself was pretty close
to what I was hearing.

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But when someone says: "Oh, god, another pre circle today!
It's the same bloody family again!

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They never learn! Complete disaster,
I don't know why I bother."

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There's a larger gap between
the dictionary meaning of the words they're using

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and what it is that I'm hearing.

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Do you use your NVC translation skills
to put that in termes of feelings and needs?

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All the time as a facilitator
I'm tracking meaning.

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That's my primary activity.
It's to track meaning.

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So in this case I'm listening to that meaning arrive.

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I get the wrapping
but what I'm really interested in, is the present inside

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so the words are the wrapping
the concepts are the wrapping

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but what's inside if that makes sense to you,
we can describe in terms of needs that are universal

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if that doesn't make sense to you
you describe it in other terms.

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Most of the people I work with don't have NVC
as a reference point

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they have Christianity or they have
something else.

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So they'll find a different way
to describe exactly the same thing

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as far as I can see, works just as well.
NVC is just my particular doorway in.

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So I'll find a way to verbalize what I'm hearing
so that I can check with them if my hearing is accurate.

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Does anyone else
got any comments or observations

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that they'd like to share about
what they saw just now with me and Duke?

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I was really appreciating the quality of listening
and I remember how effective it was

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one of the times, I received that kind of listening support
and I asked actively for it, in every case.

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And one time when I couldn't find it
how I walked into the RC was completely different.

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Yeah.

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I didn't get it the other day, it's about three weeks now,
I got a phone call late at night from a judge saying:

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"I've just been rung by the secretary of Education"
of the state in which he lives.

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A student has just stabbed another student in a school
and they want you to be there by the morning."

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So I packed my bag,
woke up at 5:00, flew there,

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then drove quite a long way inland
to get to this small city

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and 10 hours of pre-circle
just one after the other

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and for the next morning, ready for the first circle
and I was just leaving the place that I'd slept in

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to get ready for the day, when I realized
that I hadn't checked in with anybody

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because it was just one after the other
one after the other

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to get into the prison to be able
to meet with the young man

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who'd stabbed his colleague was complicated
the judge didn't want to allow it he was on holiday…

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you know, there were things that would…
hoops that we needed to jump through

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and then when I got there and found out
that he hadn't seen his parents for a week

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I was the first person who'd spoken to him
then I was like emotionally impacted as well

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and while all these things were going on
and very little sleep, I forgot to do that.

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But someone had driven me there
and luckily that person had participated

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in a training a couple of years earlier
so I kind of grabbed her over breakfast

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and I said: "Could you…
just five minutes could we spend?

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You know, even if we're late,
I'd spent five minutes together,

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I'd just like to tell you what's going on for me
and get a sense that I'm clear before I go in."

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And it was my saving grace
and it wasn't enough.

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And I went in there and things were fine.

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And it's so bizarre
because I have a clear sense of what I'm going to do

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and as I maintained a clear sense
of what I was going to do

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I heard my mouth doing something else.
And I watched it happen,

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and it was staggering because I did exactly
what I would suggest to people that they don't do.

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Textbook, but you know,
the other side of the textbook.

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And I just watched it happen
and then I watched the result

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and then I just sat there and thought
"and now what am I going to do?"

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and it took about 25 minutes to clean up
from one phrase.

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And you know generally you look at it
objectively it was pretty innocuous.

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You know I didn't say:
"I agree with you we've got to get that bastard."

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You know I said something which simply offered
helpful advice to the mother of the stabbed student.

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Something that would help her:
"Just be a little bit more understanding of other people."

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[Laughs]

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And it's kind of: this hole just opened in the floor,
and I was just falling in…

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I'm sorry?

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What did you say?
And would you have liked to say?

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I said…

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"I think there might be more of a
context to this than you are aware"

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And I meant: "Your son has been terrorizing this guy
for three years

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and just because you think he's perfect doesn't mean
that it doesn't involve you too."

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That's what I meant, that's the energy.
So the words don't sound too drastic

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but the energy behind them, I think contributed.
But the most important thing for me is that

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that's not one of the questions that I give myself.
And now once again I realize

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why I bizarrely stick to only
the questions that are on that sheet. Only.

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it's not that I use them in the didactic form
that I've given you them

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because that's for learning purposes
and for moments where you want absolute clarity

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and you want to go back to this.
This is the clearest way that I found.

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But it helped me remember why I only say those things
or colloquial versions of them

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because that apparently innocuous statement

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completely unbalanced
the power relationship in the circle.

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Completely.

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And what I would have rather have said ?
Nothing at all.

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I definitely needed support and I've rather
that I had sought that support

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by looking at my fingernail
or reaching in my pocket

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or there was a poster of…
we were in the education secretary's office

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to have this circle because it was all
kind of improvised at the last minute

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there was a poster with a
photograph of Paulo Freire on the wall

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so I wish I hadn't looked at Paolo
at that moment.

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Can you tell us how you managed
to get yourself back out of the hole ?

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I went back to sticking to the process
and it just took that long

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before the relationship of trust
was reestablished.

Systèmes et facilitation/Sous-titres vidéo F3/en - Historique des versions

Dieudo : Page créée avec « 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,600 Avant-Cercle du facilitateur avec Duke Pratique des Cercles Restauratifs avec Dominic Barter 2 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:09,440 At some point... »